Friday, March 25, 2011

ignorance is bliss pt.2

So I had some allergy testing done, which is now as easy as a blood test, and I feel like my life has been forever altered. A mild peanut allergy? What the hell? I have happily eaten peanuts, peanut butter, and products which may contain traces of peanuts or were processed the same equipment as peanuts my whole life, only now to find this out. And with an entire container of Turkey Hill chocolate peanut butter in the freezer? I'm telling you, peanut butter never sounded or smelled as good as it does now. I have NO idea what eating peanuts does to me. But now here I am, NOT EATING them, trying to BEHAVE so I don't have some symptoms I don't even know about. Damn. Why did I agree to this? Yeah, sure! Allergy testing! Why not! I'm insured! A blood test, that's it? GO FOR IT! ...

What have I learned? That I am allergic to two kinds of dust mites (I could have told you that), ragweed (bloody DUH!), some kind of mild maple tree allergy (so I won't move to Vermont, so what?) and THIS. No PEANUTS. Great, I'm going to be one of those people? Ugh. Add to this the fact that my doctor tells me not to lose any more weight, that maybe even gaining a few pounds would be a good thing, and I cannot believe I paid for this visit. FYI, a BMI of 19 is NOT underweight, thank you very much.

Where was I. Oh yeah. PB. All those bookmarked PB recipes at foodgawker...
OK, so I never made any of them anyway. But that's only because PB is costly to bake with. Right now the only chocolate in this house if a bag of Valentine M&Ms, which apparently may contain traces of DEATH NUGGETS, or something. Ok, not death, but some elusive frightening symptom that could make me unhappier than not eating peanuts makes me (bad grammar alert!). Maybe it's acne, or gas, or- dun dun duuuun- diarrhea. I'm sure I will figure it out eventually, or maybe even tomorrow if H-bot takes me out for a Thai chopped salad at Panera. Oh yeah that's right, I am living on the edge baby. Flirting with all kinds of mayhem and disaster. Sure, I could ask for 'no peanut drizzle' at the same time I'm asking for 'no cilantro', but what fun would that be? IT WOULDN'T be ANY FUN, because what would be the point? No drizzle? Starbucks better have a vanilla cupcake ready for me, because I will need something to soothe the hurt of having our entire date ruined. If they don't have cupcakes tomorrow, I don't know what I am going to do besides go all kinds of Malcolm McDowell psycho. :/

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