Friday, January 8, 2010

Happy Birthday, David Bowie

In case you're wondering, that is a vintage 1980s poster that I built a collage around, circa Christmas 2008.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Snow Irony and a Slogan

We're having our first snow of the season, and my husband is taking the Christmas tree down. Hmph. So instead of a White Christmas, which would have been nice, it's just White January, the beginning the of long, dull part of winter.

After talking to my Mom on the phone today, H. asks how she is, and I say, "Oh, you know how it is when we talk, we're solving all the world's problems, one phone call at a time."

Miss you, Mumsy.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

A girl named Eugene

Yesterday someone called and when I said Hello, a very confused sounding older lady responded, "Eugene?". And I mean really, how could I possibly sound like a Eugene? She pretty much demanded to know who she was speaking to, which always throws me. I mean look, you called me. If anyone should be demanding to know who's speaking, it's moi. I had to tell her twice before she got a clue that she had the wrong number. And I was nice, I didn't say any of the things I would have liked to say...
"Eugene isn't here. We put him in a home."
"Eugene died choking on a Hostess cherry pie."
"Eugene was arrested for punching the waitress at Cracker Barrel after she told him they don't serve stewed prunes."
"Eugene's been assimilated by the Borg."
And hubby's suggestion that I just tell her I am, in fact, Eugene.

And what if I am Eugene? Maybe she had the right number after all. Maybe the government of Micronesia had my memory erased and I'm living a lie. Well if that's the case it's just as well, because I don't fancy being a Eugene. That doesn't sound exciting at all, even if I was Borg-Eugene. I'd rather just keep being me and put my life as a pugilistic, cherry pie eating, elderly Borg Eugene far behind me.

Stinky pants

The downside of losing weight is no longer being able to wear certain favorite pairs of jeans. I'm talking about you, DKNY's I got at Goodwill! I am trying organize and put away clothes today, which is no easy task. Especially when you have certain things that don't fit anymore but you are attached to. So far I have 5 different stacks:
a)Stuff for Goodwill
b)Stuff to save for daughter
c)Stuff I actually wear
d)Stuff I don't know what to do with but don't want to get rid of (aka clothing purgatory stack)
e)Trash pile (reserved only for damaged goods, because I hate throwing clothes away)
I have accumulated a lot of jeans in various sizes over the years... they take up a lot of space. I don't know why I keep buying more (yes I do). Now, to be fair to me, I buy 99% of them at Goodwill, so not a lot of money is lost(yep I had to say this, because I worry more about you thinking I'm not thrifty than not stylish). But the other day at Wal*Mart, I found a pair of jeans on clearance that I wanted. Mostly because they came in "short", which fits me perfectly and is most hard to come by when you buy 99% of your jeans at Goodwill. Yesterday I put them on and discovered (after some super-sleuthing, ie "What is that smell? Oh, it's ME!") that they have a weird smell. A BAD weird smell. Like gold Dial soap (ew!). So today I washed and dried them, and guess what, there is still a lingering stink. Word to the wise, don't buy the "Ashley Tisdale" (I don't know who she is, but apparantly she reeks of gold Dial soap) LEI jeans at Wal*Mart.

Anyway where was I... oh yes, that sad pile of clothes that are too big. There is another problem I've found equally annoying and that is the pile of clothes you kept around because "someday I'll fit in them", and when you are finally able to fit in them, you find out they aren't flattering for whatever reason (ok, the reason in my case is that I have a teeny rearend that doesn't fill out certain jeans). I think I am destined to keep shopping in the junior's department FOREVER, due to my short stature and lack of booty, which means I'll keep having to buy smelly Ashley Tisdale jeans! Fantastic! The upside is that everyone thinks I'm 18 anyway, so I can get away with it. The downside is I don't want to SMELL, and also I have no hopes of ever looking sophisticated.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Top 10 predictions for 2010

10) I'll drive everyone nuts singing songs from Phantom.
9) I'll dye my hair an alarming shade of "Little Mermaid" red.... again.
8) The kids will learn to speak fluent Huttese. I bet you think I'm joking.
7) Our guinea pigs will be assimiliated by the Borg. I'll spend the money I save on wood chips and timothy hay on a set of speakers.
6) I'll run out of room on my iPod and regret not buying the bigger one.
5) Less Barry Manilow; more Barry Gibb. Or vice versa?
4) More Star Trek and less Star Wars. Except when the kids open their mouths.
3) I'll attempt to make homemade piecrust, decide it was more trouble than it was worth, and keep eating cake instead of pie.
2) I'll make a bunch of boring blog posts that nobody will read.
1) Now. Not tomorrow. Yesterday. Not tomorrow. It happens today.

Ohhh, I know what you're thinking, "Oh great, is she going to quote David Bowie songs in EVERY POST?"
HA! You WISH I was that predictable! Keep on your toes, nerds! Nobody gets in to see the Wizard!

"Down in space it's always 1982.... the joke we always knew..."

How do we ring in the year 2010? With a retro 80's outfit, of course.
Listening to Bowie and daydreaming about chopping my hair off.